In June 1973, with the help of a newly-saved himself, United Methodist person sitting with me in a Catholic church on a Sunday evening, I personally made the choice to trust in Jesus Christ. It was only the beginning - not the actual saving moment for me - as I learned much later. But without that choice, I doubt I would have begun the journey at all. That person took the time with me to follow through and encouraged me by bringing me books to help me know there were others taking the same trip. I needed that. But - be careful about what you think you need. It doesn't always agree with God's idea of what you need. But if your heart is right - if it's sincerely seeking God's truth and you are willing to deal with your pride, God knows and hears. As Catholics, we were instilled with the very capital sin of pride that they teach against. I think I remember a scripture . . . yes . . . God says in Ephesians 6:6:
- "Not with eye service, as men pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart."
This is about fear, so what does that have to do with a choice I made in 1973? After a summer of learning about and becoming a part of the ecumenical Catholic Charismatic Movement, attending my first huge conference of over 35,000 in Notre Dame stadium, I learned that a major problem in my life was pride. Who me? I was such a shy person; how could that be? It could be, because there is not one of us alive that did not inherit the sin of pride from Adam and Eve. HA! I was so proud of myself! While singing praise with the congregation gathered in the gym of a Catholic School, I conquered pride (thus fear) by giving in and focusing on the words of praise and on God, and lifting my hands far above my head. Now that was humbling! You see many times fear has its root in pride. By choice, I came against my fear of being seen doing something so foreign to the way I had been raised, and in so doing overcame my pride. After all, there were Catholic nuns in attendance (and even a priest) doing the same!
For six years I continued in the Roman religious system. There was still tremendous fear of facing the priest in the confessional, even if all I had to confess was that I missed a mass or told a lie since my last confession. Seems it was always my luck to get the meanest and loudest priest available and it would always result in me exiting that box in tears. I remember one of the last times (maybe even the last) not only exiting the confessional at the back of the church (at the time held in a gym) and continuing my exit right out the back door of the building so I could hide my tears. I used to tell myself that I felt "so cleansed" of my sins!! If I cried in church, my children were embarrassed. Of course they were embarrassed even if I sang in church. When I sang, I sang with feeling and people would turn and look and that embarrassed them. The people should not have noticed had they been doing the same, but "worship" in the RCC churches is seldom "felt" and mostly inaudible. Heaven forbid you actually hear anyone unless they are a soloist.
Decision day came six years after my "proclamation day." After six years of trying to reconcile the Bible with the Roman system and observing the "Church's" pretending to work toward change as it built relationships (liaisons) with various leaders of the charismatic movement, I realized it was never going to happen and I was going to have to leave in order to stay true to God's Word.
A word of education here for those who may need a little help "seeing" the methods of the religious system. What helped me was to witness pride working in members as they worked themselves into positions of leadership. The RCC was no fool. They have been working the system for centuries and all they had to do to control the new movement was to invite those 'leaders' into positions of leadership in their local churches as liaisons between the church and the movement. They were assigned as readers of Scripture and trusted to handle the "host" of communion, which gave them position of honor before the "laity". That's how I eventually saw for myself that the RCC will never change. It doesn't teach you God's word for you today, it just controls your life.
Acting on my decision to leave the Catholic Church was an act of coming against the biggest fear of my life. I left Sunday morning mass that day with both a lighter heart and a fearful heart. "What if they were right and I would go to Hell for leaving? I asked myself." (More likely, Satan asked me!) Honestly, I wasn't concerned about what my family would think, but what if I did the wrong thing in God's eyes?
Fortunately for me, I now trusted more in God's Word and knew that he would give me peace through it. And he did. As soon as I arrived home, I delved into my Bible and opened to, "Flee Babylon!" (Not a KJV at that time.)
- "Jer. 50:8 Remove out of the midst of Babylon, and go forth out of the land of the Chaldeans,"
Thus, fear handled properly - coming against it with the words of God - can be a good thing! For I have continued in the WORD and one by one - tried and came out of various other religious systems since then - until, one day four years later - (twenty six years ago) - GRACE through FAITH! (Eph. 2:7,8)
"There can be some truth in a lie,
but there can be no lie in the truth."
